A Very Good Year
by SFGrl
Summary: What would you do if you had only one year to live? CM
1. The Return

AN: This one's for Sal, who promised she would send me Ewan McGregor if I wrote a Chan/Mon fic. Well, this will be C/M eventually.so get that man over here!!  
  
~A Very Good Year~  
  
December  
  
Monica stared listlessly out of her living room window, as wind-powered raindrops pelted the glass panes furiously. Large droplets slid into the crevices, and the darkened sky gave the illusion that it was much later-or much earlier-than nine in the morning. It was Sunday. Sunday was always the worst day of the week for Monica these days. It was the loneliest day of the week, and it was a harsh reminder of the way things Used to Be. Sunday had once been Monica's favourite day of the week. She would always rise early, and clean the apartment, then begin cooking a enormous breakfast for her friends. Though her friends were generally there for breakfast every morning, Sunday was the one day that everyone consistently showed up for: no one was rushed, and they could truly enjoy one another's company.  
  
But there was a falling out.  
  
Five years ago, in fact. Almost exactly five years ago, Monica mentally noted, bringing her mood even lower. It was five years ago that Chandler kissed Kathy, and Joey punished him by putting him in that damn box. When Kathy came over, on that fateful Thanksgiving night, she told Chandler she was leaving, and he knew that there was nothing that he could do, unless Joey let him out of the box.  
  
He didn't.  
  
And things between Chandler and Joey were never the same.  
  
So, when Ross walked in on Chandler and Rachel kissing late one night several weeks later, he immediately blamed Chandler (even though, in hindsight, it was Rachel's doing-she was drunk, and, in the darkened apartment, had mistaken Chandler for Ross-Chandler was in the process of pushing her away when Ross walked in).  
  
Joey didn't even listen to Chandler's side-he was still sore about the Kathy thing-he took Ross' side on the issue, so Phoebe did too. (Chandler had often wondered whether Phoebe had ever really liked him anyway). Chandler moved a week later.  
  
Monica had been the only one to hear from Chandler, and it was only once. Three years ago, she received a wedding invitation in the mail, but was unable to fly out to California for the wedding, because Ross had planned a large party for their father's birthday. She sent a card, and a Macy's Gift Certificate.  
  
A clap of thunder brought Monica back to the present. With Ross and Rachel in Connecticut, and Joey always working, (Days of Our Lives) and Phoebe engrossed in her relationship with Scientist-guy David, who had returned from Minsk a few months ago, Monica spent a lot of time alone. She had been engaged once, to a man named Chris, but when he and Monica discovered that she was unable to have children, the dynamic of their relationship shifted, and Monica was unable to handle the pressure that she had put on herself, all the while telling herself that Chris was the one with the issues regarding her infertility. Neither party could handle the pressure, so they parted ways two years ago.  
  
It wasn't until Monica was really alone that the reality of her situation hit her. She was never going to have a child of her own. The thought devastated her, and it killed her that she had no one to lean on anymore. It was during this period in her life that Chandler's absence affected her most.  
  
Monica sighed, and pulled herself off of the window seat. She decided that she might as well make some breakfast.  
  
Even if it was just for one.  
  
~*~  
  
Chandler sat on the edge of Sadie's bed, and watched as she slept peacefully. He could watch his daughter sleep for hours. She was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. Her tiny, chubby arms gripped her blanket tightly, and her dark brown hair covered half of her perfect face. Chandler chuckled slightly, and pulled the renegade hairs away from Sadie's cheek and mouth. He sighed contently, and left the room, deciding that she needed a few more hours sleep.  
  
Chandler rarely slept much anymore. The past two years had been rough on him and Sadie, but Chandler was sure they would get through it.  
  
He was sure of it-until recently.  
  
Today was the anniversary he always dreaded. It had been two years since Anna, his wife, and the only person who was able to make Chandler forget about his old life, was killed by a kid who had panicked while robbing a convenience store that Anna had stopped in to grab some milk.  
  
After Anna's funeral, Chandler considered moving back to New York. But he didn't want to uproot his then-infant daughter, and besides, he didn't have the energy. Anna had had no family, so Chandler was responsible for every detail of everything that related to her death. And he was the only person who could raise Sadie. He wasn't sure he could do it on his own, but somehow, he had managed.  
  
Seven o'clock rolled around, and, as if on cue, The Headache swooped in, attacking Chandler's brain like an unseen predator. Chandler braced himself for the intense pain that was about to hit him, but no amount of preparation could save him from the onslaught of misery and blinding agony that gripped him at that moment. He slid to the ground, and closed his eyes as tight as he could. Hugging his knees, he prayed that the pain would end soon. Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the pain vanished, and Chandler was left only with a slight dizziness, and temporary paralysis that always seemed to accompany the post-attack.  
  
It took Chandler a moment to realize that Sadie was sitting in front of him, her tiny hand on his tear-stained cheek.  
  
"Daddy, today is a bad day?" Sadie asked innocently.  
  
"Yeah, Pumpkin, today is a bad day."  
  
Chandler looked at his daughter's innocent sadness, and realized that it was time to make a decision.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hey Mon, Happy Hanukkah!" Ross, Rachel, Ben and Isabelle, The Geller's latest addition, walked into Monica's apartment to find it fully decorated, and filled with the sweet smells of the holiday season-a pleasant mixture of gingerbread, cinnamon and pine.  
  
Monica always put on a happy face when her brother came to visit. She didn't want him to worry about her, even if she felt he was partially to blame for the disintegration of their tight-knit group. She smiled warmly, grabbed Isabelle from Rachel, and hugged the other three tightly.  
  
"Are all those presents for me, Aunt Monica?" Ben asked, wide-eyed.  
  
"Well, some of them are for Belle," Monica pointed out.  
  
"Hey! Merry Christmas!" Joey came in, and hugged the group, including Monica, who he realized he hadn't seen in a week and a half-even though he lived right across the hall.  
  
"Hey Joey, Merry Christmas; Happy Hanukkah," came the varied replies.  
  
"Where's Pheebs?"  
  
"She'll be here shortly. She is dropping off some gifts for Frank and Alice and the kids," Monica smiled. It was almost like old times again!  
  
*  
  
After everyone had filled their stomachs to capacity, Rachel and Ross put their kids down for a nap (much to Ben's chagrin) and the group took their places around Monica's coffee table.  
  
"How are you, Mon? I haven't talked to you in a while," Rachel hugged her best friend tightly. She missed Monica, and she missed New York. But Ross was adamant about raising his children out of the city. The only time Rachel came out anymore, it seemed, was to drop Ben off a Carol and Susan's.  
  
"I'm fine. The restaurant is doing well, and -I, uh, I guess that's all," Monica laughed.  
  
"What about men? Any new 'things'?" Rachel asked slyly.  
  
Monica shook her head. She rarely, if ever dated anymore. She didn't see the point. Who would ever want to marry a woman that couldn't have children?  
  
Rachel was about to continue her interrogation, but was cut off by a sharp knock at the door. Monica sighed, relieved for the interruption. Rachel was starting to sound like her mother-was it possible for a daughter-in-law to morph into her mother-in-law?  
  
Monica shook her head, and opened the door.  
  
"Chandler."  
  
~*~  
  
It took all of his courage to knock on the door, and as soon as he did it, Chandler wanted to turn and run. Sadie had run, well, she had run to the step in the hallway, and was hiding around the corner. She always hated meeting new people-probably because she was rarely around other people. Chandler had no real friends in Los Angeles. Most of the people he knew were friends of Anna's.  
  
When Monica opened the door, she opened her mouth in shock, and stared blankly at him. He wondered if this was a good idea. But then, he had very few options left.  
  
"Chandler, wh-what are you doing here?"  
  
"Well, I-"  
  
"Who is it, Mon?" Ross called out. Chandler felt his shoulders tense. It was Christmas Eve, and Chandler was almost hoping that everyone would be gone. He wasn't sure he'd be able to face the whole group.  
  
Ross came to the door, and made a sour face.  
  
"Chandler." Ross said flatly.  
  
"Hi Ross."  
  
The three former friends stood in the doorway for a moment, each unsure what to do or say next. Ross and Monica never thought they'd ever see Chandler again, and they were sure the others felt the same way. But he was here, and neither of them knew what to think of that.  
  
Sadie squeaked, pulling Chandler's attention away from the doorway scene for a moment. He turned and motioned for his daughter, but she refused to move from the step.  
  
"Sadie, come here," Chandler whispered, and took a step toward her.  
  
Ross and Monica looked at each other, then back at Chandler, who was now picking up the little girl. Monica's heart sank. Even Chandler had a child, and he didn't even *want* kids-did he?  
  
"Sadie, this is Ross and Monica. Uh, this is my daughter, Sadie."  
  
"Hi Sadie," Monica smiled, and the girl buried her head in her father's shoulder.  
  
Chandler felt his arms and legs weaken slightly, and knew that he had to get this over with.  
  
"Listen, can I talk to you guys for a minute?"  
  
Chandler and Sadie followed Ross and Monica back into the apartment, and after tense greetings were exchanged with the others, Chandler asked if the group could sit at the kitchen table. They agreed, after shooting Chandler strange looks. Phoebe muttered something about him showing up after five years and ordering them around.  
  
Chandler placed Sadie on the living room sofa, and turned on the television.  
  
"Stay here for a minute, okay, sweetie?"  
  
"No daddy, stay!" Sadie whined.  
  
"I'll be right here, honey, okay?" Chandler said, and stood in the kitchen to demonstrate his proximity. Sadie seemed to be okay with it, because she turned and started watching "Spongebob Squarepants" intently.  
  
"What's going on, Chandler?" Ross asked.  
  
"Yeah, why are you showing up here after five years?" Rachel followed.  
  
"Where's your wife?" Monica wondered.  
  
the questions came fast and furious, but Chandler had no time. He needed to do this, or he would never be able to.  
  
"Guys, can you just-look, the thing is-I need a favor." 


	2. Painful Realities

~A Very Good Year~  
  
Chapter Two-Painful Realities  
  
"What's going on, Chandler?" Ross asked.  
  
"Yeah, why are you showing up here after five years?" Rachel followed.  
  
"Where's your wife?" Monica wondered.  
  
The questions came fast and furious, but Chandler had no time. He needed to do this, or he would never be able to.  
  
"Guys, can you just-look, the thing is-I need a favor."  
  
"A favor?" Ross repeated.  
  
Chandler nodded, but kept his eyes on the table. He was silent for a moment, then took a deep breath and began the speech he'd rehearsed in his head for the past three days.  
  
"Anna-my wife-was, uh, killed a couple of years ago. Sadie was 11 months old. Anna didn't have any family, and, well, you know how my parents are, so.I've been doing this on my own-"  
  
"Are you asking for money?" Ross interrupted. He couldn't believe Chandler's audacity.  
  
"No. No, I have plenty of money.I." Chandler was beginning to lose his train of thought. He suddenly felt very tired, and was beginning to think that he should just forget it. But he looked over at Sadie, and realized that he had to do what was right for his daughter. He cleared his throat, and looked each of his former friends in the eye, hoping that they would see just how serious he was.  
  
"I want you to raise my daughter."  
  
The room was silent for a second-the quiet before the storm.  
  
"What?" Ross yelled.  
  
"Have you lost your mind?" Phoebe added.  
  
"You have GOT to be kidding," Rachel shook her head.  
  
"Chandler," Monica asked calmly, "you seem to be doing fine. Why would you want us to raise her?"  
  
Chandler looked directly at Monica, knowing in his heart that she would be the one to take on the task, once everything was explained properly. The toughest part was over-he'd asked The Question. Now, all he had to do was make them see that he had no other choice.  
  
"Despite everything that's happened, you are the only people I trust to take care of Sadie. I don't want her to be raised by strangers. I-" Chandler shook his head. He was going about this the wrong way. His friends looked baffled.  
  
"Okay, here's the thing," Chandler looked at Sadie again, and watched her for a silent moment. She giggled, and that reassured Chandler that she was not listening to the adult conversation.  
  
"I'm dying."  
  
~*~  
  
Monica felt her heart stop. Had she heard Chandler right? He was-dying? That's impossible. He's too young. He's a father. He's.too young. She barely heard Ross when he asked Chandler to repeat what he'd said.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"There's a mass.in my brain. It's too big and too deep to take out. There's not much that can be done. A few months ago.I started getting these headaches. They were few and far between, but they are getting worse, and more frequent. I'm afraid to raise Sadie alone now, because if something happens, and I can't help her, I'll be devastated. I thought about all of the people in my life who I'd want my daughter to be with, when I go." Chandler kept his eyes on Monica the entire time he spoke, making it clear that she was the one he was referring to.  
  
Monica watched Chandler's face as he spoke, all the while repeating the same sentence in her head over and over: This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening.  
  
~*~  
  
January  
  
It still hadn't really hit any of them. Chandler seemed healthy and normal, so maybe this was some weird prank. But even Chandler's sense of humor wasn't *that* bad.  
  
Chandler had decided that none of them should make The Decision now. He went back to Los Angeles to tie up loose ends, and was back in New York just after the New Year. Monica insisted that he and Sadie stay with her until they found a place to live, and Chandler was happy that Monica had extended the invitation-it would give Sadie a chance to get used to Monica. But the fact that Joey hadn't mentioned anything about Chandler moving back into his old place was in the back of Chandler's mind, and it broke his heart.  
  
*  
  
For a long time after Chandler had told them he was going to die within the year, the group had gone into denial about the entire thing. They all tried to pretend that it was okay, and even tried to pretend that the past five years had never even happened. They hung out much more now than they had only a few weeks ago, and that Sunday, Monica found herself cooking breakfast for much more than one.  
  
Ross and Rachel had left Ben and Belle with Carol and Susan, so it was just the seven of them (including Sadie). Monica couldn't help but let a wave of nostalgia sweep over her. She was thrilled to have everyone back, and in good spirits.  
  
Chandler, on the other hand, was mildly annoyed with his friend's behavior. He needed them to see that this was not a joke, and that everything was going to change very soon. He needed them to accept that this was not going away.  
  
But, in all fairness, Chandler had gone through the exact same grieving period. There was a time when he had denied all of this as well. He then went through the anger, depression, and eventual acceptance that the others had yet to experience. He wondered if they even believed him.  
  
If they didn't, they were about to.  
  
The conversation around the table was light and animated, and at first, no one was aware of what was happening at the other end of the table. Chandler, however, was well aware of what was happening, and he tried to get up and leave the room, but his legs felt like lead. He set down his fork, and looked over at Sadie, who was talking poor Phoebe's ear off. Suddenly, the image in front of him blurred, and his hands started to shake.  
  
Monica was only mildly aware of the fact that Chandler had suddenly stopped moving, eating and talking, as she continued her conversation with Rachel. But then, out of her peripheral vision, she saw Chandler's entire body contract. She looked over, just in time to see him collapse onto the kitchen floor.  
  
The only person in the room who didn't panic was Sadie. Everyone was yelling at once, as the shock of reality hit everyone. Chaos fluttered around Chandler, but Sadie simply hopped off of her seat, and ran into Monica's guest room-the room Sadie and Chandler were currently using. Sadie re-appeared with a small brown bottle of pills, and shook Monica's arm until she finally looked down at the little girl.  
  
"Medithin," Sadie said simply.  
  
Monica nodded, and her head finally cleared. She used the power of her voice to get her friend's to shut up, while she crouched over Chandler.  
  
Chandler came to, and saw that everyone was standing over him, and that they all looked-scared.  
  
"Chandler, are you okay? Should we call an ambulance or something?"  
  
"No.no there's nothing they can do," Chandler whispered, as he pulled himself up against Monica's kitchen cabinets. He leaned back, and closed his eyes for a moment. He looked calm, and that was when Monica realized that he was accustomed to this now. It was strange to think that blacking out like that could become a regular piece of someone's day. She now understood Chandler's desperation in regard to Sadie. It was clear that he was in no condition to be a three-year old girl's soul provider.  
  
Monica sat down on the floor in front of Chandler, and the others took a seat at the table. No one said anything for a moment. Monica handed Chandler his medication silently. Chandler looked at the vile, and then back up at Monica, a puzzled expression lining his brow.  
  
"Sadie," Monica stated simply, knowing that Chandler would understand.  
  
Chandler looked at his daughter and smiled warmly. Sadie took that as a sign that her father was feeling better, and made her way over to him, plopping herself square onto his lap. Chandler wrapped his arms around his little girl, and kissed the top of her head lightly. He then looked up at Monica, and knew that she had made her decision. 


	3. Some Days Are Better Than Others

AN: Okay, yes, Chandler is dying, and yes this is a C/M fic. I know, weird, huh? I promise it'll get better. Not much going on in this chapter, just so you know.  
  
Oh, and Sal, Ewan is having a great time here in San Francisco, ha!  
  
  
  
  
  
~A Very Good Year~  
  
Chapter Three: Some Days Are Better Than Others  
  
February  
  
The winter wind pushed it's way through the layers of cotton and wool, and sent a chill down Chandler's spine, as he made his way down the freshly shoveled New York streets. The storm had been a fierce one, but the result was a sparkling blanket of fresh snow, that made the city look like a wonderland. Chandler stood at the crosswalk, took a deep breath, and watched as his exhalation produced plumes of white mist. It was little things like this that made Chandler realize that he belonged here in New York. It was rare to see one's own breath in Los Angeles, particularly in the middle of the day.  
  
The light turned, and Chandler stepped off the curb and onto the street. He didn't even mind the crowds that surrounded him-it was better than wasting away in a traffic jam! Chandler hopped up onto the curb, and strolled into the food market.  
  
It had taken him about an hour to convince Monica that he would be just fine, going to the store alone. Ever since she witnessed him black out last month, she had been overprotective to the max, and the result was stifling. Chandler could barely cross a room without Monica jumping up and insisting that she do whatever-it-was-he-was-going-to-do. Chandler would roll his eyes, pout, or make a face, indicating to Monica that he was fine! Let him do it! God forbid he should go out into the cold alone. He was already dying-what's the worst that could happen?  
  
The warmth of the store hit Chandler as he entered, and he sighed contently and unraveled his scarf. He strolled down the middle aisle, temporarily forgetting why he was there, as he became absorbed in the normalcy of the moment. Being here, alone, was like a small sanctuary for him. No one here knew he was sick, no one knew he had only months left to live. As a result, he got no sympathetic smiles, or over exaggerated gestures of love and affection. Here, he was a normal guy, on a normal day.  
  
Everything was wonderful.  
  
Chandler rarely paid attention to the elevator "Muzak" that played softly on the store speakers. Sometimes, an old tune would come on that he would recognize and hum along to, but for the most part, he ignored the music. But the familiar notes that surrounded him on this day did not make him hum. In fact, they stopped him dead in his tracks, one hand extended and sitting on a loaf of bread, the other holding the small red basket he'd picked up moments earlier.  
  
The tune was eerily familiar. He had danced to this tune once.  
  
~Three Years Earlier~  
  
"Everyone is looking at us," Chandler mumbled miserably.  
  
"Of course they are, honey," Anna laughed, "We are the bride and groom after all."  
  
"I told you I can't dance. And these shoes are sliding all over the place."  
  
"Shhh. Just live for the moment, Chandler."  
  
~Present day~  
  
A hundred memories hit him at once, from the day of the wedding, to the day Sadie was born. Then, like a dark cloud, Chandler's mind wandered to the last day he saw Anna alive.  
  
~Two years earlier~  
  
"We're outta milk," Chandler said into the telephone, as he bounced a crying Sadie on his shoulder.  
  
"Okay, well, I'll stop into Andronico's and get some. Did you check her diaper? Maybe she's wet."  
  
"Uh, it could be worse than wet," Chandler groaned.  
  
"You are such a baby!"  
  
"Yeah, well.hurry home, your daughter needs you." Chandler waited for his wife to retort.  
  
"Anna?"  
  
"Chandler, get you cell phone and call the police.there's a guy at the register with a gun," Anna whispered.  
  
"Anna, get out of there," Chandler was already halfway out the front door.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Anna?"  
  
  
  
  
  
There was yelling, then a scream, and what sounded like gunshots. Chandler strapped Sadie into her car seat, and sped down toward the food mart.  
  
*  
  
She was on the ground, on her back. Her hair was splayed out around her head. The police were already there. The ambulance was speeding down the street. She smiled slightly, before her last breath escaped her lips.  
  
~Present Day~  
  
"Excuse me, are you going to buy the bread, or just fondle it?" Chandler turned to see a young woman looking at him strangely.  
  
"Sorry---uh---sorry," Chandler muttered, and made his way down the aisle.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
  
  
Twenty minutes later, Chandler walked back out into the cold, but this time, the bitter wind made him cringe. He walked swiftly back to the apartment, knowing that there was only one thing he wanted to do at the moment.  
  
*  
  
The apartment was warm, and it smelled like something wonderful. Chandler walked in to see Monica at the stove, stirring something that bubbled in a large pot.  
  
"There you are. I was gonna send Joey out to---"  
  
"Where's Sadie?"  
  
"She's asleep. Chandler, are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said absently, as he dropped the shopping bags on the table, and headed into the guest room.  
  
Sadie was sleeping peacefully, her cheeks slightly flush, and her hair in tangles around her face. Chandler knelt next to the bed, and laid his head on his daughters sleeping form. He listened to her breathe for a few minutes more, before kissing the top of her head, and heading back out into the living room.  
  
  
  
  
  
Monica was standing just outside the door, her face revealing her concern. Chandler closed the door softly behind him, and looked at Monica for a moment, before heading to the sofa to sit down-why was he so exhausted all of the sudden?  
  
  
  
  
  
"Chandler, are you sure you're okay?" Monica's voice was shaky.  
  
"Yeah," Chandler sighed, and motioned for Monica to join him. She sat down and looked at him silently for a moment.  
  
Chandler smiled, in an attempt to alleviate Monica's concern for him. She smiled back, and Chandler pulled her into a hug.  
  
"Some days are better than others," he whispered softly into her hair.  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
  
  
Some days are dry, some days are leaky  
  
Some days come clean, other days are sneaky  
  
Some days take less, but most days take more  
  
Some slip through your fingers and onto the floor  
  
Some days you're quick, but most days you're speedy  
  
Some days you use more force than is necessary  
  
Some days just drop in on us  
  
Some days are better than others  
  
Some days it all adds up  
  
And what you got is not enough  
  
Some days are better than others  
  
Some days are slippy, other days sloppy  
  
Some days you can't stand the sight of a puppy  
  
Your skin is white but you think you're a brother  
  
Some days are better than others  
  
Some days you wake up with her complaining  
  
Some sunny days you wish it was raining  
  
Some days are sulky, some days have a grin  
  
And some days have bouncers and won't let you in  
  
Some days you hear a voice  
  
Taking you to another place  
  
Some days are better than others  
  
Some days are honest, some days are not  
  
Some days you're thankful for what you've got  
  
Some days you wake up in the army  
  
And some days it's the enemy  
  
Some days are work, most days you're lazy  
  
Some days you feel like a bit of a baby  
  
Lookin' for Jesus and His mother  
  
Some days are better than others  
  
Some days you feel ahead  
  
You're making sense of what she said  
  
Some days are better than others  
  
Some days you hear a voice  
  
Taking you to another place  
  
Some days are better than others  
  
("Some Days Are Better Than Others", U2) 


	4. The Space Between

~A Very Good Year~  
  
Chapter Four: The Space Between  
  
March  
  
The pain was unbearable. It started as it always did, with a horrible ringing, and a temporary loss of vision. It hit hard, and fast, and seemed never-ending. He had been standing in the kitchen when it happened, and he was now curled up on the kitchen floor, unable to move or speak. He was happy that Monica had taken Sadie with her to the store. He hated it when she had to witness the attacks. They scared her, and that fact alone was more painful than anything physical he was experiencing.  
  
The pain began to subside, and Chandler's muscles relaxed slightly. He sat up slowly, and blinked several times, in an attempt to clear his vision. He felt something drip from his nose, and his fingers moved to stop whatever it was. He pulled his fingers back to inspect them. Blood. That hadn't happened before. Well, it hadn't happened during an attack. He had awoken a few mornings to find droplets of blood on his pillowcase. But this nosebleed seemed worse, somehow. He plugged his nose with his thumb and forefinger, and tilted his head back. The action triggered another attack---another first---and sent Chandler back to the kitchen floor. He was in worse shape now than he was just a few minutes earlier. He bit his top lip, as the pain heightened, and tasted blood on his lip. That was the last thing he remembered.  
  
~*~  
  
"I want to buy one for my dad," Sadie said matter-of-factly, as Monica rifled through the bagels at the corner bakery.  
  
"What kind of bagel does your dad like?" Monica already knew the answer, but she was enjoying her time with Sadie, and she was thrilled that Sadie seemed to be taking to her.  
  
"He likes un-jin ones," Sadie smiled.  
  
"Onion? Okay! Do you want to buy one or two?"  
  
Sadie thought about this for a moment, her lips tight, and her eyes looking skyward. She considered her options carefully, then looked at Monica seriously.  
  
"Two."  
  
"Okay," Monica laughed, and helped Sadie place two onion bagels in a paper bag.  
  
*  
  
Monica carried her bag of groceries in one hand, and Sadie in the other. Sadie was talking nonstop about her amazing encounter with Mickey Mouse at her last Disneyland trip, and Monica listened intently. They made their way up toward the apartment, and Monica set Sadie down, so that she could retrieve her keys.  
  
"I want to open it," Sadie demanded, and Monica laughed, and helped her turn the key.  
  
There was a rhythmic thumping, and Monica turned in time to see three red apples---renegades from her shopping bag---dance down the hallway. She turned and gathered the apples one-by-one.  
  
"Typical," she mumbled to herself.  
  
"Daddy!" Sadie's shriek was heart stopping. Monica dropped the apples and the bag, and ran into the apartment, to find Chandler unconscious on the floor. The lower half of his face, and his neck, were stained with blood. Sadie was kneeling next to Chandler. He tiny hands had a tight grip on Chandler's shirt, and she was pulling on it, in an attempt to pull Chandler upright.  
  
Monica panicked. She was sure Chandler was dead, and she was terrified. She was not prepared for this. She wanted to believe that Chandler was healthy, and that the Cancer was Not Real.  
  
"Joey!!" Monica yelled, and Sadie started to cry. Monica tripped over her groceries as she ran across the hall. "Joey!!"  
  
Joey opened the door, an annoyed look on his face. He had clearly been sleeping. Monica wordlessly pulled Joey across the hall.  
  
"I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do." Monica's sentence was punctuated by hiccup- like pauses.  
  
"Okay, okay, Monica. I'm going to call an ambulance. You need to pull it together. You are scaring Sadie."  
  
Monica had a moment of clarity. She needed to protect Sadie. Chandler didn't want her to see him this way. She turned, and gathered Sadie in her arms, and Sadie's cries intensified, as Monica pulled her away from her father.  
  
~*~  
  
Monica paced the waiting room, her arms wrapped tightly around Sadie, who had cried herself to sleep. Joey sat in the corner of the room gnawing on his fingernails. After what felt like hours, Chandler's doctor made an appearance.  
  
"Miss Geller?"  
  
Monica walked toward the doctor quickly, and Joey jumped from his seat.  
  
"He's stable, and he's awake. He's asking for you."  
  
"Is he going to be okay?" Monica asked.  
  
"Well..this is not going to get any better. You know his condition, and honestly, there's little we can do for him. All we can do is try to make him as comfortable as possible. We're going to keep him here overnight, but honestly, there's not much more we can do for him."  
  
"Okay. Thank you," Monica nodded, and carried Sadie into Chandler's room.  
  
He looked pale and exhausted, but otherwise, Chandler seemed fine. He smiled when Monica and Sadie came in, and Monica felt herself relax a bit. His smile somehow made everything seem a little better.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"Better. I'm sorry I scared you," Chandler said sadly.  
  
"It's not your fault Chandler. I---" Monica paused when Sadie roused, and looked around wearily.  
  
"Daddy!!" Sadie squealed happily, and reached for Chandler.  
  
"Hi baby," Chandler laughed, and took Sadie from Monica.  
  
"Daddy, today is a bad day?"  
  
"Yeah, pumpkin, today is a bad day."  
  
"I got for you a un-jin bagel," Sadie smiled. Monica smiled sadly. She wished she was as resilient as Sadie.  
  
~*~  
  
You cannot quit me so quickly  
  
There's no hope in you for me  
  
No corner you could squeeze me  
  
But I got all the time for you, love  
  
The Space Between  
  
The tears we cry  
  
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more  
  
The Space Between  
  
The wicked lies we tell  
  
And hope to keep safe from the pain  
  
But will I hold you again?  
  
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me  
  
Like 'Will it rain today?'  
  
Waste the hours with talking, talking  
  
These twisted games we're playing  
  
We're strange allies  
  
With warring hearts  
  
What wild-eyed beast you be  
  
The Space Between  
  
The wicked lies we tell  
  
And hope to keep safe from the pain  
  
Will I hold you again?  
  
Will I hold...  
  
Look at us spinning out in  
  
The madness of a roller coaster  
  
You know you went off like a devil  
  
In a church in the middle of a crowded room  
  
All we can do, my love  
  
Is hope we don't take this ship down  
  
The Space Between  
  
Where you're smiling high  
  
Is where you'll find me if I get to go  
  
The Space Between  
  
The bullets in our firefight  
  
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you  
  
The rain that falls  
  
Splash in your heart  
  
Ran like sadness down the window into...  
  
The Space Between  
  
Our wicked lies  
  
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain  
  
Take my hand  
  
'Cause we're walking out of here  
  
Oh, right out of here  
  
Love is all we need here The Space Between  
  
What's wrong and right  
  
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you  
  
The Space Between  
  
Your heart and mine  
  
Is the space we'll fill with time  
  
The Space Between... ("The Space Between" Dave Matthews) 


	5. Forgive & Forget

~A Very Good Year~  
  
Chapter Five: Forgive & Forget  
  
April  
  
"I just talked to Ross and Rachel, and guess what?" Monica sat down on the sofa next to Chandler.  
  
"They've decided to adopt a monkey? Oh, no wait, Ross did that.." Chandler smiled ruefully.  
  
"Very funny. They've decided to bring the kids down here to the city for the summer. They're looking to rent a place near here. Isn't that great?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said distantly.  
  
"What?" Monica looked at Chandler, puzzled by his reaction.  
  
"Well, I guess..I dunno, I guess I just figured that I wasn't going to see them again."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I---I mean, they have only been down here once since I moved back here. I just figured maybe Ross was still pissed about that whole Rachel-thing..or maybe they don't want to be around a sick guy," Chandler laughed sadly.  
  
"Chandler, they don't---"  
  
"Maybe I should just talk to them," Chandler sighed.  
  
"Yeah," Monica nodded, and laid her head on Chandler's chest.  
  
*  
  
Joey was sleeping soundly, cuddled up on his Lay-Z-Boy, with Hugsy the Penguin firmly in his arms. His subconscious was working wildly, and a sudden, horrific image of Chandler jolted him awake, panting and sweating. He wiggled his way out of his chair, and padded across the hall.  
  
When he opened the door, Joey discovered Chandler sitting on the sofa, reading, and looking perfectly healthy and normal. Joey breathed a sigh of relief, and headed for Monica's refrigerator.  
  
"Hey, Joe," Chandler looked up from his book and watched his former best friend and roommate fumble through the fridge. "Hey," Joey said, as he stood upright and closed the refrigerator door.  
  
"Hey, there, Hugsy," Chandler smiled, and Joey jumped, as he realized for the first time that he still had a death-grip on his bedtime Penguin pal. He reddened, and placed the stuffed penguin on the table.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"Okay. I get tired really fast now. I can't seem to keep up with Monica and Sadie."  
  
"Where are they?"  
  
"At the park. I was thinking about going out there in a bit."  
  
"Are you sure that you should be going out alone?" Joey looked at Chandler strangely.  
  
"God, Joe, you're starting to sound like Monica," Chandler laughed.  
  
"Sorry, I just, ya know..I don't want to have a repeat of last month, that's all," Joey said defensively.  
  
"I know, Joe, I know. I'm sorry, I just---"  
  
"No, I'm sorry. I just feel..I'm not sure how to act.around you."  
  
"Joey, sit down, okay?"  
  
Joey nodded, and took a seat in the overstuffed reading chair adjacent to the sofa.  
  
"I want you to feel comfortable around me. I can't help but wonder if this is partly because of what happened with you and me and Kathy."  
  
"No! No, look, I know that that whole thing was..but it was years ago, and I don't want to dwell on the past."  
  
"Me either. You're my best friend, Joey, and I'd like to spend the rest of my life with *that* guy..the one I used to live with."  
  
Joey nodded. "It's hard to deal with, ya know?"  
  
"I know. Hey, whaddya say we order the Joey Special, and play some foosball?"  
  
"Yeah, baybee!" Joey jumped up, and was halfway out the door before Chandler could even stand up.  
  
~*~ "Did you have a good time with Joey?" Monica asked later that evening.  
  
"Well, he still killed me at foosball, but otherwise, it was great," Chandler smiled.  
  
"Great," Monica looked at Chandler, and smiled broadly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing, it's just..you look really happy."  
  
"I am. I was able to help Joey forget that things aren't..normal, with me, with us. We talked, A LOT, and I hope that I have my best friend back."  
  
"That's so great to hear, Chandler," Monica grinned, and hugged Chandler tightly.  
  
"How was Sadie? Was she a pain to get into bed?"  
  
"Not at all. I think I wore her out."  
  
"Wow, that's a first."  
  
Chandler sighed, and it was then that Monica realized that they were still locked in an embrace. She laughed uncomfortably, and took a step back.  
  
"What? What's the matter?" Chandler looked at Monica quizzically.  
  
"Nothing, I just---are you hungry? I could make you some soup." Monica rambled nervously.  
  
"No, we ordered TWO pizzas, remember?" Chandler laughed. "Monica, what's going on? You've been acting strange all week."  
  
"I'm okay, Chandler, I just.sometimes I forget that..all of this is happening."  
  
Chandler took a step toward Monica, and took her hand in his.  
  
"Mon, it's okay to forget sometimes. I like to forget too. It's just a defense mechanism in our brains. It keeps us from going crazy with worry, ya know?"  
  
"Yeah." Monica nodded, but couldn't help letting her emotions get the better of her.  
  
"Oh, Monica, please don't cry," Chandler pulled a sobbing Monica toward him, and held her until she stopped trembling.  
  
AN: Okay, I know these chapters are short, but if I am going to write 12 of them, I can't go shoving all of my ideas into one chapter, ya know? LOL. Thanks for the reviews, you know that feedback only inspires.. 


	6. If You Leave

~A Very Good Year~  
  
Chapter Six: If You Leave  
  
May  
  
Monica walked into the apartment to find Chandler asleep on the sofa, Sadie snuggled safely in his arms. She smiled, and for just a moment, let herself believe that her life would always be this picture perfect.  
  
It was never her intention to fall in love with Chandler. But somewhere along the way, (although she wasn't sure when it was exactly) she'd let herself fall. She knew that she was setting herself up for inevitable heartbreak, but she didn't care. From the moment he walked back into her apartment, and into her life, she was fully aware that her feelings for him were real, and much more intense than she ever wanted them to be.  
  
Chandler flinched in his sleep, and let out a strangled sigh, and Monica's illusions shattered. He really was sick. And all of the love in the world wasn't going to change that fact. She sunk into her overstuffed reading chair, and let out a small sob. Then she made a decision; she had to tell him. She needed him to know. She closed her eyes, and was soon dreaming of a simpler, more perfect life.  
  
*  
  
Chandler opened his eyes, and looked down at Sadie, who was still sound asleep in his arms. He smiled, happy to have moments like this to cherish. But Sadie was sleeping in a funny position, her head tilted slightly back, and her mouth open. He decided that she might be more comfortable on the bed, so he sat up carefully, and wrapped his arms around her. He moved to stand, but he had no strength in him. He struggled for a moment, and was finally able to stand slowly. Sadie shifted slightly, and Chandler moved to adjust her in his arms. His knees buckled, and he fell backward toward the sofa.  
  
Monica opened her eyes in time to see Sadie shift and Chandler fall. She sat up, and silently took Sadie from Chandler, then carried her into the bedroom. When she re-emerged, Chandler was sat on the sofa, his head in his hands. She sighed, and sat down next to him.  
  
"I can't even pick her up anymore. I feel so..useless," Chandler sighed, and leaned back on the sofa, deflated.  
  
"Chandler, you just woke up. And Sadie is getting too big to be carried anyway."  
  
"I hate this," Chandler said softly, his eyes welling up with tears.  
  
Monica didn't know what to say, so she simply wrapped her arms around him, and held him tight. They were silent for a long while. Finally Chandler let out a deep sigh, and kissed Monica on the top of her head.  
  
"Thank you, Mon," he whispered.  
  
"For what?" Monica looked up at Chandler quizzically.  
  
"For.everything," Chandler smiled.  
  
Monica smiled, took a deep breath. She suddenly felt her heart pounding against her chest rapidly. She pulled away from Chandler, and looked at her hands.  
  
"Chandler, I know that all of this is hard on you. But I want you to know that I do intend to take care of Sadie, and.you, too. I want to make this as easy as I can..just tell me what you need."  
  
"I need you to tell me what is bothering you, Mon. Is this too much for you? Should I look at staying somewhere else? You look exhausted."  
  
"No! No, Chandler, everything is..I mean, I'm fine. I love having you here, and I love having Sadie here. I love Sadie, I think she's great, and I..I mean, I hope she likes me, too."  
  
"She does. She told me, she thinks you are great."  
  
"The thing is, Chandler..I need you here. I..I don't want you to leave."  
  
"We'll stay, then, if that's what you want. But Mon, I won't be here forever. You know that." Chandler looked at Monica intently.  
  
"I know," Monica continued staring at her hands. She took a shaky breath, then looked up, to find Chandler staring at her. She bit her bottom lip, "But..I can't help feeling that.." Monica's courage, and her vocabulary, slipped away quickly, and she fell silent for a moment.  
  
"What?" Chandler sat up straight, and cocked his head to the side.  
  
Monica's courage returned, but her voice didn't. She leaned forward quickly, and captured Chandler's lips with her own.  
  
Chandler jumped, startled by Monica's gesture. He closed his eyes, and, for a sweet moment, let himself forget all that was happening in his life. He kissed her back. And soon, nothing else mattered.  
  
He didn't let himself think about the inevitable. He didn't want to think about what tomorrow would bring. He let Monica kiss him, he let her lead him into her bedroom, and when they made love that night, he pretended that his life was not ending, and that it was, in fact, just beginning. They made love twice, (a remarkable feat, considering Chandler's condition) and as he drifted off to sleep, he heard her whisper the words that brought back everything that he had blocked out all night---words that broke his heart.  
  
"I love you."  
  
~*~  
  
If you leave, don't leave now  
  
Please don't take my heart away  
  
Promise me just one more night  
  
Then we'll go our separate ways  
  
We always had time on our side  
  
Now it's fading fast  
  
Every second, every moment  
  
We've got to, we've got to make it last  
  
I touch you once, I touch you twice  
  
I won't let go at any price  
  
I need you now like I need you then  
  
We always said we'd still be friends someday  
  
If you leave, I won't cry  
  
I won't waste one single day  
  
But if you leave, don't look back  
  
I'll run the other way  
  
Seven years went under the bridge  
  
Like time was standing still  
  
Heaven knows what happens now  
  
You've got to, you've got to say you will  
  
I touch you once, I touch you twice  
  
I won't let go at any price  
  
I need you now like I need you then  
  
We always said we'd meet again  
  
I touch you once, I touch you twice  
  
I won't let go at any price  
  
I need you now like I need you then  
  
We always said we'd still be friends  
  
I touch you once, I touch you twice  
  
I won't let go at any price  
  
I need you now like I need you then  
  
You always said we'd meet again someday ("If You Leave" by OMD) 


	7. Hide Your Love Away

AN: Yes, I know it's sad, sorry about that. It's uh, it's not gonna get much better, I'm afraid, LOL. Thanks for the kind reviews, even if I am depressing the crap out of you.  
  
~A Very Good Year~ Chapter Seven: Hide Your Love Away  
  
June  
  
"Ross and Rachel and the kids will be here tomorrow morning," Monica said, as she clicked the phone off and placed it back into its cradle.  
  
"Okay," Chandler nodded, but didn't look up from his magazine. Monica sighed heavily, and moved to sit next to Chandler. She felt him flinch slightly, and she scooted back slightly.  
  
"Chandler, what's wrong?" Monica asked quietly.  
  
"Nothing," Chandler muttered flatly.  
  
"Chandler," Monica grabbed Chandler's magazine, in an attempt to get him to talk.  
  
"Mon, I don't want to talk about this again," Chandler said slowly.  
  
"Talk about what?"  
  
Chandler sighed. He hated this. The past few weeks with Monica had been wonderful, dreamlike, even. The morning after that first night, they talked, for hours. Chandler needed to make Monica understand that this relationship would only end with her being hurt. In the end, Monica tried to convince Chandler that it was a good thing, and that she would be fine. Chandler relented, but in the back of his head, he wondered if he was truly doing The Right Thing. The weeks passed, and Chandler felt relatively good most of the time, so he let himself fall under Monica's spell. He fell in love with her, and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life making her happy.  
  
But early this morning, he was violently reminded that 'the rest of his life' was a very short period of time.  
  
He awoke well before dawn, with a searing pain shooting through his head. He was somehow able to stumble out of bed, and out of Monica's bedroom, without waking Monica up. He spent the next four hours coughing bile and blood into the toilet, before carefully cleaning up, and heading into his own room, to check on Sadie.  
  
"Chandler, is this about what happened this morning?" Monica asked quietly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You were sick this morning, weren't you?"  
  
Chandler's cheeks reddened, and he looked at his hands sheepishly.  
  
"I thought you hadn't heard."  
  
"I woke up when I got cold. I heard you coughing, but I knew that you wouldn't want me to.."  
  
"It just reminded me that..I'm going to end up hurting you."  
  
"Chandler, your sickness is always going to be a shadow, and I am preparing myself for what will happen. Please, please do not shut me out. I love you."  
  
"I love you too," Chandler whispered.  
  
"Okay. Phoebe and Joey should be back with Sadie soon. I need to finish dinner," Monica started to scoot off of the sofa.  
  
"Mon, wait," Chandler grabbed Monica's hand, and she turned suddenly. The desperation in Chandler's voice made her heart skip a beat.  
  
"What? Are you okay?" "I just..I need..to kiss you," Chandler smiled, and Monica giggled, before leaning in to kiss Chandler passionately.  
  
"Uh, Mon?" Chandler asked, as they pulled apart.  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"What are we gonna tell your brother?"  
  
***  
  
"Hi!" Ross, said, as he walked in, followed by Rachel, who was carrying Isabelle.  
  
"HI!" Monica squealed, then immediately retracted and shushed herself when she noted that Isabelle was sleeping. "Where's Ben?" she whispered.  
  
"With Carol and Susan. Where's, uh, where's Chandler?"  
  
"He's sleeping," Monica said, "I'll go wake him."  
  
"No! No, Mon, you don't have to do that," Ross said quickly.  
  
"He's been asleep for a few hours. Plus, he really wants to see you guys," Monica smiled and walked into Chandler and Sadie's room.  
  
Ross sighed heavily and sat down on the sofa.  
  
"Sweetie, I'm sure it'll be okay," Rachel said softly, as she took a seat next to Ross.  
  
"Yeah, I just..you know I'm no good around sick people," Ross said slowly.  
  
"Honey, I think that you need to try and relax. You were the one that said you would regret it if we didn't come back."  
  
"I know, I'm just---" Ross was cut off when Monica emerged from the bedroom, with Sadie in her arms.  
  
"Is he, uh----"  
  
"Yeah, he'll be out in a minute," Monica said, "Sadie, do you remember Ross and Rachel and Belle?"  
  
Sadie blinked her eyes sleepily, and shook her head, before burying her head in Monica's shoulder.  
  
"Hi Sadie," Rachel said sweetly.  
  
Monica settled into the chair with Sadie, as Chandler walked out of his bedroom.  
  
"Hey, guys," Chandler said nervously. He stood in the doorway for a moment, shifting from foot to foot.  
  
"Hey," Rachel smiled, and elbowed Ross as subtly as possible.  
  
"Hey, man," Ross said quietly, though he was unable to look up at Chandler.  
  
"Chandler, honey, come and sit down," Rachel said, then turned to Ross, "Scoot over, babe."  
  
Ross moved as close to Rachel as he could, while Chandler moved slowly to the sofa. Chandler noted Ross' reluctance to sit very close to him. The tension in the room was as thick as mud, and no one in the room knew quite how to break it.  
  
Rachel did the best she could.  
  
"So, Chandler, how are you feeling?"  
  
"Good. Uh, fine, I mean, relatively speaking," Chandler laughed uncomfortably. "Are you, uh, has anything changed?" Ross asked tentatively.  
  
"No," Chandler shook his head.  
  
"Rach, why don't you and I take the kids for a walk?" Monica said in a not- very-subtle way.  
  
"Sounds good," Rachel smiled, and quickly followed Monica and Sadie out the door.  
  
Once the door was closed, Chandler and Ross sat in silence for a minute.  
  
"Ross, I was wondering, um, if you were still upset about what happened with Rachel."  
  
"What? Oh, that. No, uh, I got an earful from Rachel about that. I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions, man."  
  
"No, it's alright. I just---well, I just kind of assumed that's why I haven't seen you guys for so long."  
  
"No, it's..I really don't have a good excuse," Ross said sadly.  
  
"Is it because I'm sick?"  
  
Ross swallowed hard, but didn't answer.  
  
"It's okay to be afraid, Ross. I'm scared to death."  
  
"I'm a scientist, ya know? I shouldn't BE scared!"  
  
Chandler smiled, and shot Ross a bemused look.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Scientists are not impervious to emotion, Ross," Chandler laughed.  
  
"Yeah," Ross looked at Chandler, and took note of how small he looked. He was so pale and thin, and yet there was a sparkle in his eyes that completely countered the rest of his appearance. He seemed genuinely happy, and Ross couldn't for the life of him figure out why.  
  
"Well, I am glad you're here," Chandler said after a moment.  
  
"I'm glad too, man," Ross smiled, and the two friends hugged in that "guy" way. When Chandler pulled away, he saw that Ross was crying.  
  
"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Chandler smiled.  
  
"Yeah," Ross nodded and sighed.  
  
***  
  
"So how is he, really?" Rachel said, as she, Monica, and the kids took a seat on the orange sofa in Central Perk.  
  
"He has good days and bad days," Monica smiled at Sadie, "Right, Sadie?"  
  
"Today is a good day," Sadie said, as she nodded.  
  
"Yeah," Monica said distantly, as memories of what happened the morning before floated into her head.  
  
"How are you holding up?" Rachel asked.  
  
"Sadie, can you go grab me a napkin?" Monica pointed to the small table in the corner, and hoped the little girl would not notice the napkin dispenser sitting on the table in front of them.  
  
"Okay," Sadie said happily, and hopped off of Monica's lap. Once she was safely out of earshot, Monica looked at Rachel sadly.  
  
"Whatever you do, do not repeat this to your husband," Monica said quickly.  
  
"What, what is it?" Rachel's eyes lit up, at the very notion that she was about to be on the receiving end of some juicy gossip.  
  
"Chandler and I are..together."  
  
"Mon! Are you sure that's a good idea?"  
  
"No," Monica shook her head, as tears welled up in her eyes, "But I love him, Rach. And it's tearing me apart. I love him so much, and yet I have to give in to the inevitable----I am going to lose him."  
  
"Oh, Mon," Rachel hugged her friend as best she could with little Belle in her arms.  
  
"But I don't regret it, Rach. And I know I never will."  
  
~*~ 


	8. Waiting For the Rain to Fall

~A Very Good Year~ Chapter Eight---"Waiting for the Rain to Fall"  
  
July  
  
She was walking through a long corridor. It was stark white, and totally empty. She could hear her footsteps echoing on the tile floor. She walked toward the end of the corridor, and reached out toward the door at the end. She opened the door, and leaned in to peer on the other side. There was a soft whimper, and the room began to spin.  
  
Monica awoke suddenly, her now-recurring dream disturbing her more than ever before. She sat up, and tried to even out her ragged breathing by taking a few deep breaths. As her own heavy breathing subsided, she realized that she could still hear the whimpering. She looked around her, and saw that Chandler was gone. There were traces of blood on his pillowcase. Panicking, Monica scrambled out of bed, and headed into the living room. She fumbled around the room in the dark, her eyes squinting, trying desperately to find Chandler, praying that he was okay. The whimpering had stopped, but Monica's heart was racing so fast that she barely noticed. She opened the door to Sadie's room, and was relieved to see that Chandler was fine, and that he was rocking Sadie back to sleep.  
  
"She had a nightmare," Chandler whispered, as Monica approached.  
  
"Is she okay?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler smiled at his daughter, and set her back onto the bed carefully. He and Monica left the room, and headed back into their bedroom.  
  
"I woke up, and you were gone, and I got worried," Monica confessed softly, as they climbed back into bed.  
  
"I'm okay. I woke up to use the bathroom, and heard Sadie crying," Chandler lied. In truth, he had awoken with a sharp head pain and a nosebleed, and was recovering in the bathroom when Sadie woke up. He hated that he'd lied to Monica just now. But he didn't want her worrying about him constantly. In his heart, he thought he was doing her a favor.  
  
Monica looked at Chandler and sighed. She wondered why he hadn't told her about the nosebleed. She didn't like that he felt he had to hide his illness from her. But she felt strange about fighting with him about it, so she held her tongue, hoping in her heart that he would come around.  
  
***  
  
August  
  
"Ross, please say something," Monica's voice was shaky, as she sat in front of her brother. She and Chandler had just told him about their relationship, and Ross was shocked, to say the very least.  
  
Ross was the last in the group to find out about Monica and Chandler. Chandler told Joey about two days after Monica told Rachel, and Joey accidentally let it slip to Phoebe and David two weeks later. Chandler and Monica were worried about the news getting to Ross, and Monica was worried that the added pressure of hiding a relationship would weaken Chandler prematurely. So, they arranged to have Phoebe and Joey watch the kids, so that they could tell him themselves.  
  
And now he sat, with Rachel by his side, and he had yet to say a thing.  
  
"Ross?" "How long has this been----" Ross waved his finger lazily between Monica and Chandler.  
  
"A couple of months," Chandler said quietly.  
  
Ross nodded slowly, then stood up, and began pacing the room.  
  
"You do know how ridiculous this thing is, right? Chandler? Have you thought at all about my sister here?"  
  
"Of course I have, Ross. I don't want to hurt her. I love her."  
  
"But you will hurt her," Ross spat angrily.  
  
"Ross, please! I know what I'm doing, okay?" Monica stood up and placed her hands on her hips.  
  
"Rachel, what do you think?"  
  
"Well, they love each other Ross, that much is clear. I think it will be okay."  
  
"Did you know about this? I mean, before tonight?" Ross focused on Rachel.  
  
"Yes, I did. And before you ask, Joey and Phoebe know too."  
  
"I see," Ross said quietly.  
  
"Ross, we'd like you're blessing here. We certainly don't want you to be angry or hurt---" Chandler sighed.  
  
"Hurt? The only person who is going to end up hurt here is my sister. This may be some last-minute fling to you, but Monica is going to---" Ross stopped abruptly, and shook his head.  
  
"I'm sorry you see it like that, Ross," Chandler whispered sadly. He was suddenly too exhausted to put up a fight.  
  
Monica was not.  
  
"Ross, you are being an ass," she said icily, as she approached her brother, "Why is it so hard for you to accept this? Chandler is dying, but right here, right now, he is still alive. The only person in this room who has written him off is YOU."  
  
"Why even tell me at all, Monica? You've all done so well hiding it from me so far!" Ross glared at Rachel, who, in turn stood up and stormed toward her husband.  
  
"Ross, that is so not the point! The rest of us can see what Monica and Chandler have here. Why can't you just let go for a second, and see what we see? Forget all of the complications. Let your sister be in love."  
  
The room fell silent. Ross, Monica and Rachel stood in the kitchen, staring at each other. Finally, Chandler stood up, and approached the group.  
  
"Ross? Can you accept this?"  
  
"I don't think I can," Ross said gruffly.  
  
"Ross!" Rachel cried, and shook her head.  
  
Monica and Rachel began grilling Ross, and Chandler simply closed his eyes. All of his insecurities were coming back, as he began to see it all from Ross' perspective. Ross was simply trying to protect his sister. It was a valiant, if misguided attempt, and Chandler had to respect that. He loved Ross, and he wanted to keep peace with him, but if he had to make a choice, he would choose to stay with Monica. He opened his eyes, and saw that the arguing had intensified. Shaking his head, he moved to stop the yelling, but was stopped by a sharp pain in the back of his head. He took a deep breath, and struggled to stay upright, determined to keep his composure in front of the others. His body had other ideas, however, and as the pain intensified, Chandler involuntarily screamed, and collapsed onto the kitchen floor.  
  
The scream stopped time. Monica, Ross and Rachel stopped their arguing immediately, and all three stood frozen in place.  
  
Monica was the first to react this time. She quickly kneeled next to Chandler, and gathered his head in her arms, before resting it on her lap. She checked for a pulse, and then looked up at Ross and Rachel.  
  
"Help me get him onto the sofa," was all she said.  
  
Ross and Rachel nodded and silently obeyed. And Ross knew that the argument had effectively ended with Chandler's collapse. There was nothing left to argue, there was nothing more to say.  
  
There was no time.  
  
~A~  
  
AN: I'm starting to double-up on months, because I am, uh, running outta material. 


	9. Someone to Watch Over Me

~A Very Good Year~  
  
Chapter Nine: Someone to Watch Over Me  
  
September  
  
"It's her birthday, and we should have a party," Chandler argued quietly.  
  
"Chandler, you can barely stand up. Sadie will understand if it's just us- "  
  
"Mon, I want to have a party. This is my last birthday with Sadie. Please."  
  
"Fine," Monica relented. She placed her hand on Chandler's cheek. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm fine," Chandler smiled, and laid his head back down on the pillow.  
  
Monica sighed. She knew he wanted to hold on to whatever shred of normalcy he had left, but she was growing increasingly concerned about his insistence to do things like throw a big birthday party for Sadie. His vision was becoming worse each week, and in fact, he was legally blind in his left eye. His arms and legs refused to work the way he wanted them too, and his growing frustration with his rapidly failing body was making him difficult to live with. Monica smiled sadly, as she pictured a world with her and Chandler growing old together, watching each of their bodies give way to nature and time. They would have ragged on each other, as things began to sag, falter, or just stop working altogether. He would lose his hearing, and she would have to yell to be heard; She would worry about her wrinkles, and he would tell her she was more beautiful than ever. They would have been happy, but cranky.  
  
But this would never be. Chandler was weeks away from death: he would net see her wrinkles, he would not be there at all.  
  
He would not see his daughter grow up.  
  
The realities of that were haunting Chandler now more than ever. He was scared, not of dying, but of the idea that his daughter will soon forget him. Monica had assured him, time and time again that she would not let that happen, that all of his friends would keep Chandler alive with their memories of him. But it was all for not: Chandler's depression was evident, and it was so imbedded that Monica feared he would do something, or say something he'd regret.  
  
One week later, her fears came to pass.  
  
Joey and Monica took Sadie for a walk in Central Park, while Chandler slept. He awoke to an empty apartment, and his poor vision made it difficult for him to navigate the apartment. When Joey, Monica and Sadie returned, he was so frustrated with his own disabilities, he took it out on the people he was closest to.  
  
"Where the hell have you been?"  
  
"We took Sadie for a walk, Chandler. You were asleep, we thought it'd be okay," Monica stated calmly.  
  
"What if I needed you?" Chandler spat.  
  
"I'm sorry, okay? You were asleep, and we thought----"  
  
"We? Who is 'We'?"  
  
"Me and Joey."  
  
"Chandler---" Joey said, as he placed Sadie on the floor.  
  
"What, are you two dating now?" Chandler asked Monica.  
  
"What?" Monica asked, startled.  
  
"Look, Joey, I don't know what Monica told you, but Sadie already has a father, okay?"  
  
"Chandler, you're being an ass!" Monica screeched, "This is ridiculous!"  
  
"Is it? Can't you at least wait until I'm dead, Monica?"  
  
Monica tried to respond, but her voice caught in her throat. Instead she slapped Chandler across the face, and ran into the bedroom.  
  
"We just want to help, man," Joey whispered, after a long silence.  
  
"Leave me alone," Chandler growled, and fumbled toward the sofa.  
  
Joey picked up a sobbing Sadie, and walked out of the apartment.  
  
~****~  
  
October  
  
The tension between Chandler and Monica & Chandler and Joey was evident during Sadie's party. The others did their best to ignore it, all of them intent on giving Sadie a wonderful birthday. It wasn't until it was over, and Sadie was tucked safely in bed, that Chandler realized that his own self-absorption had caused him to miss out on his daughter's birthday. Ross, Rachel and their children, and Phoebe, Monica and Joey all sat silently in the kitchen, while Chandler lay in the same place he laid throughout the party---the sofa.  
  
"Well, Chandler, I hope you're proud of yourself," Monica finally said coldly.  
  
Chandler closed his eyes, and let out a strangled sigh.  
  
"Maybe we should go," Rachel said softly.  
  
"No, I'll go," Chandler whispered, and stood slowly.  
  
"You can't go anywhere," Monica said matter-of-factly.  
  
"I'm going to go sleep with my daughter," Chandler said softly, and began shuffling toward the room. He stopped when he reached the doorway, and turned to his friends.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I don't know what's come over me lately. I don't want to die with all of you hating me----hating the person I've become. Make sure you remind Sadie---I wasn't always like this."  
  
"Chandler, you have to let us help you, okay?" Monica's voice softened considerably.  
  
"I don't---yes, I need help, I guess. I'm just..I'm exhausted. I'm tired."  
  
Monica walked across the room, and pulled Chandler into her arms.  
  
"I know," she whispered, "I know."  
  
"Marry me, Monica," Chandler whispered, too softly for anyone but her to hear.  
  
"What?" Monica pulled away, wide-eyed.  
  
"You heard me," Chandler smiled.  
  
"Chandler----"  
  
"It'll make it easier: Easier for you to adopt Sadie legally. And it'll make us official----Forever."  
  
"Yes," Monica smiled, and stood nose to nose with her new fiancé, "Yes." 


	10. Under the Starry Night

~A Very Good Year~  
  
Chapter Ten: Under the Starry Night  
  
November  
  
"I'm fine, Mon," Chandler smiled bravely, as Monica straightened his tie.  
  
"You look pale," Monica said softly.  
  
"I always look pale," Chandler chuckled. He was silent for a minute, then sighed heavily.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just...I'm sorry, that I can't give you your dream wedding."  
  
"Chandler," Monica placed her hands on Chandler's shoulders gently, "this may not be the wedding I planned for, but it IS the happiest day of my life," she smiled.  
  
"Mine too," Chandler grinned, and kissed Monica softly.  
  
They were interrupted by a knock on the door.  
  
"Hey, uh, Phoebe is here with the flowers," Joey smiled.  
  
"Oh, okay, I'm uh, I'm gonna leave so Monica can change," Chandler stood slowly, and was led out of the room by Joey.  
  
The door closed, and for the first time that day, Monica was alone. The past few weeks had been a whirlwind of activity, following The Announcement. Monica almost felt guilty, for spending so much time with Rachel and Phoebe planning the wedding. She sighed heavily, and looked at her dress, which was hanging loosely from the armoire in the corner. It was very simple, floor length, butter cream silk, with tiny spaghetti straps and a matching wool wrap. She was thrilled that she and Chandler were getting married---but the dark cloud of death was hovering, and Monica knew that these were her last moments of solitude, before she was totally surrounded by the celebration. She sunk onto her bed, and let herself really and truly cry.  
  
~*~  
  
"Daddy, look at my dwess!!" Sadie giggled and bounced happily.  
  
"Wow, you look so beautiful, Pumpkin!" Chandler said proudly.  
  
"Today I get a Mommy!" Sadie announced to Joey and Phoebe, who were seated on the sofa.  
  
"Yeah you do!" Joey smiled, and Phoebe laughed.  
  
"Hey, you guys ready?" Rachel poked her head through the front door.  
  
"Yeah," Joey stood, and helped Chandler to stand. The two men walked toward the front door.  
  
"Daddy, I am coming too!"  
  
"Oh no sweetie, you come up with Aunt Rachel and Aunt Phoebe and Monica, okay?"  
  
"Okay," Sadie grinned, and clasped onto Rachel's leg.  
  
~*~  
  
It was a relatively warm night, for November in New York. There was no snow, and very little wind. But, just to be safe, Joey bundled him and Chandler up in long wool coats, and midnight blue scarves. They stepped out onto the roof. The sky was clear, and a thousand diamond-like stars dotted the sky. On the roof, Ross, Ben, Isabelle, Jack, Judy, Charles and Nora were all seated in a small half-circle around an altar accented with tall white candles and white orchids. Ross approached Joey and Chandler as they walked onto the roof, and helped guide Chandler to one of chairs that stood in front of the alter (Chandler was unable to stand, so everyone was going to sit). Ross took his place at Chandler's side, and Joey, who had gotten himself ordained on the internet a week earlier, took his place at the alter.  
  
Ben started the pre-recorded music, and Sadie made her way toward the center quickly, as she tossed flower petals everywhere. She took a seat next to Ben, and began swinging her legs under her. Chandler smiled at her, and she waved enthusiastically.  
  
Rachel and Phoebe walked onto the roof together, and took their places behind the chair where Monica would be.  
  
Monica appeared seconds later. She smiled bravely, and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. She locked eyes with Chandler, and let herself believe that this was a beginning, and not an end. She took a seat next to Chandler, and Ross, Rachel and Ross took their seats in the semi-circle that surrounded the couple.  
  
"Hi everyone," Joey started nervously, and smiled. He cleared his throat, and started over.  
  
"I uh, just want to start by saying that I love these two----Monica and Chandler. They are two of my best friends. And I know that their relationship may seem unusual for some, but to me---it seems only natural. They belong together--ya know? And I know, that, no matter what their future holds, they will be together forever," Joey smiled, and Chandler took Monica's hands in his.  
  
"Chandler, do you take Monica to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love and cherish, to honor and hold her, for as long as you both shall---for, uh..for all eternity?"  
  
"I will."  
  
"Monica, do you take Chandler to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love and cherish, and honor and hold him, for all eternity?"  
  
"I will."  
  
"Do you guys, uh, have rings?"  
  
Chandler and Monica nodded, and quietly exchanged platinum bands.  
  
"You are bonded, forever! You are husband and wife! Chandler, you may kiss your bride!"  
  
"Chandler smiled, and kissed Monica softly, as the small crowd applauded.  
  
"I love you," Chandler whispered.  
  
"I love you too," Monica smiled.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Chandler and Monica Bing!"  
  
"And Sadie too!" Sadie said, and hopped into Chandler's lap.  
  
"And Sadie, too," Chandler laughed, as Monica straightened Sadie's dress. "And I have a Mommy!" Sadie exclaimed.  
  
"Yes, you do," Monica smiled, tears lining her eyes.  
  
If only she could have both parents-If only life weren't so cruel, and so beautiful, all at once.  
  
Hold on  
  
Hold on to yourself  
  
for this is gonna hurt like hell.  
  
Hold on  
  
Hold on to yourself.  
  
You know that only time can tell  
  
what is it in me that refuses to believe  
  
this isn't easier than the real thing.  
  
My love  
  
you know that you're my best friend.  
  
You know that I'd do anything for you  
  
and my love  
  
let nothing come between us  
  
my love for you is strong and true.  
  
Am I in heaven here or  
  
am I...  
  
At the crossroads I am standing.  
  
So now you're sleeping peaceful  
  
I lie awake and pray  
  
that you'll be strong tomorrow  
  
and will see another day  
  
and we will praise it  
  
and love the light that brings a smile  
  
across your face.  
  
Oh god  
  
if you're out there won't you hear me.  
  
I know we're never talked before  
  
and oh god  
  
the man I love is leaving  
  
won't you take him when he comes to your door.  
  
Am I in heaven here or  
  
am I in hell  
  
at the crossroads I am standing.  
  
So now you're sleeping peaceful  
  
I lie awake and pray  
  
that you'll be strong tomorrow  
  
and we will see another day  
  
and we will praise it  
  
and love the light that brings a smile  
  
across your face  
  
Hold on  
  
hold on to yourself  
  
for this is gonna hurt like hell.  
  
("Hold On" Sarah McLachlan) 


	11. Far Away

~A Very Good Year~  
  
Conclusion: Far Away  
  
December  
  
The ambulance rumbled down the street, shaking its passengers back and forth violently.  
  
Not that they noticed.  
  
Monica clung to Chandler's limp hand tightly, unaware of the fact that her ring was digging into his skin. She sighed heavily. She knew it was a bad idea to release Chandler from the hospital, but he was so insistent. He hated it there, and even now, when she was faced with the fact that he would die without proper medical care, she was torn between doing what would save Chandler, and what he would want. If he was meant to die today, she knew he wouldn't want it to happen in the cold, sterile hospital. But her own selfishness had won the debate--Chandler was not going to die today.  
  
The ambulance came to a screeching halt at the ER entrance. The paramedics rolled Chandler out of the back, and as Monica climbed out, she saw Phoebe's cab pull up, and her friends pile out. Monica silently took Sadie from Joey, and followed the gurney into the ER.  
  
As soon as they passed through the swinging doors, the chaos surrounded them. None of them spoke; they simply walked blindly through the corridors, to the small room where Chandler had been wheeled. Monica hung back slightly, so that Sadie could not see into the room. Chandler was adamant about not allowing Sadie to see him this way.  
  
Yet she had already seen so much.  
  
***  
  
It seemed to take hours, but in reality, Chandler was wheeled into the ICU only minutes after being brought into the ER. The group took the elevator up to meet Chandler and his doctors on the 5th floor. Monica felt as though she were walking in a tunnel, where she was blind to everything except what was right in front of her. Her vision was hazy, and she felt as though she had lost all of her senses at once. She sat in the ICU waiting area, and cuddled Sadie closely.  
  
Another hour. Chandler's doctor finally appeared in the doorway, and motioned to Monica. She handed a now sleeping Sadie to Phoebe, and followed the doctor into the hallway.  
  
She leaned up against the cold white wall, and pushed herself to look up at the doctor, to try and read his eyes before he told her what she already knew.  
  
"He's fading fast, Monica. Theirs is really nothing more we can do, except make him as comfortable as possible. You need to say your goodbye's, if you haven't already."  
  
Monica nodded numbly, then somehow found her way back into the waiting area. She looked at her friends, and wondered just how they would get through tomorrow.  
  
They all looked at her, curiously, none of them wanting to hear what the doctor said, really, but feeling they had no other choice.  
  
"It's time," Monica whispered, and four heads dropped simultaneously.  
  
Rachel and Belle went in first. They weren't in the room long, as Belle began to fuss, and Rachel was certain she was going to pass out. She began sobbing as soon as she walked out of the room, and Ross immediately took Belle, and nodded toward Joey and Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe stood up, and made her way into the room. She sat down next to Chandler, and looked at him for a long time. She wondered if he was at peace with his life. Somewhere, deep down, she knew he was, and that somehow brought her a comfort she did not feel when she lost her mother. She smiled warmly, and kissed Chandler on his forehead, before silently leaving the room. She looked back once, committed the moment to memory, and left the room.  
  
Ross was next. He stood the entire time, and shifted from foot to foot nervously. Chandler's eyes fluttered open slightly, but Ross was unsure whether or not he was conscious.  
  
"Chandler?" Ross whispered.  
  
"Ross? Is that you?" Chandler had lost his sight completely two weeks ago, and had to rely on his friends much more than before. He never really recovered from the loss of independence.  
  
"Yeah. I just, uh, wanted to tell you that, uh, that you are my best friend. And I never would have made it through college without you. And I am happy you married my sister. I really am." Ross tried to hide the fact that he was crying from Chandler, but failed.  
  
Chandler coughed violently, then nodded, hoping that Ross would understand. Chandler took a labored breath, and coughed again.  
  
"Uh, I gotta go..they only let us in one at a time, and Joey is waiting."  
  
Chandler nodded again, still too weak to talk.  
  
"Okay, I'll, uh, I'll see ya." Ross left quickly, and Chandler sighed.  
  
"Bye." He finally croaked to a now-empty room.  
  
It took Joey a few minutes to muster up the strength, but he finally made his way into the room. He sat down next to Chandler, and took his hand.  
  
"Hey, buddy," Joey said through choked-back sobs.  
  
"Hey," Chandler croaked.  
  
"You know, I would give up everything to bring back those five lost years," Joey sighed, fighting stubbornly to hold back his tears.  
  
"Me too," Chandler's whispers were barely audible.  
  
"You are my brother. And I will be the best uncle I can to your daughter, okay?"  
  
Chandler nodded, and attempted a smile.  
  
"Okay. Monica's waiting, I gotta go. I love you, man."  
  
"Me too," Chandler mouthed.  
  
Joey hugged Chandler fiercely, and was suddenly unable to control his emotions. He broke down completely, and was only vaguely aware of Chandler's hand on the back of his head.  
  
"It's okay," Chandler whispered weakly.  
  
Joey pulled away, and took a deep, shaky breath.  
  
"I gotta go..Monica's waiting." Joey repeated, but stayed rooted to his spot.  
  
"Okay..you take care of my girls," Chandler croaked softly.  
  
Joey nodded, gave Chandler's hand a squeeze, and rushed out of the room.  
  
Monica carried Sadie into the room, her heart breaking. This was the moment she'd been dreading for a year.  
  
She felt like she was looking at a different person. Chandler seemed much smaller than he did only hours earlier, when he was awake and cranky-as- ever. She sighed, and approached, and Chandler smiled when he heard the two loves of his life enter the room.  
  
"Hi daddy!" Sadie said, and Monica let her down onto the bed gingerly, all the while explaining that she had to be "extra specially careful".  
  
"Hi," Chandler whispered, and struggled to embrace his daughter.  
  
"Daddy, today is a bad day?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said, then coughed. He mustered up all of the strength he had left, to hold his daughter and say, "I love you Pumpkin. And I will---- I will always be with you."  
  
Sadie nodded, and hugged her father again. She looked at him, and saw that his eyes here heavy.  
  
"Daddy, it's time to sleep," she said innocently.  
  
"Yeah," Chandler sighed. He kissed Sadie's forehead as Rachel entered the room, and Monica picked up Sadie and handed her to Rachel. Sadie waved slowly, and Monica wondered just how much the little girl was aware of.  
  
She took a seat next to him, and took his hand in hers. She kissed it softly, then leaned up and kissed his dry lips. He smiled, and whispered, "I love you, so much."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"I'll wait for you," he smiled, and she laughed, recalling their conversation months ago regarding the afterlife. He had told her he would make sure her afterworld home was totally clean before she arrived. It was a weak attempt at humor, but then, it was typical Chandler.  
  
"You are my angel," she whispered, and kissed him.  
  
"I won't be far away," Chandler whispered weakly, his breath becoming increasingly shallow as he spoke.  
  
Monica kissed him once more. She felt his warm breath on her lips, and knew that they were his last. She laid her head on his now-still chest, closed her eyes, and smiled.  
  
He was finally at peace.  
  
***~***  
  
Fifteen Years Later  
  
"We are so proud of you, honey," Monica smiled, as Sadie tucked her mortarboard cap under her arm, and unzipped her gown.  
  
"A high school graduate!" Joey boomed, and smiled broadly.  
  
"Well, it's about time, I say," Sadie sighed, "My God, could it BE any hotter today?"  
  
The group laughed, as they reveled in the sense of humor that Sadie had picked up. She was so much like Chandler it was scary.  
  
***  
  
"Thanks for the party, Mom," Sadie yawned, as she and Monica walked into their apartment that night.  
  
"Oh, it was no problem honey," Monica smiled, and kicked off her shoes.  
  
"I can't believe I'm done!" Sadie grinned, and sank into the sofa next to her mother.  
  
"Well, you still have four years of college ahead of you!"  
  
"Yeah," Sadie sighed thoughtfully. After a moment, she turned toward Monica.  
  
"Mom, are you gonna be okay? I mean, with me gone and all?" Sadie had been accepted into Harvard, something that everyone was proud of, particularly her Uncle Ross, who insisted that she take a few of his Paleontology lectures. The others all strongly advised that she not.  
  
"Oh, sweetie, I'll be fine," Monica smiled, and placed her hand on Sadie's cheek.  
  
"I won't be far away," Sadie said.  
  
Monica's breath caught in her throat, and she tried hard not to let Sadie see her tears. She smiled, and pulled away abruptly.  
  
"Mom? I really will come to visit a lot!"  
  
"No, honey, it's not that..I just..I was thinking about your father. He...he said that to me once."  
  
"Said what?"  
  
"That he would never be far away," Monica sniffled, "I'm sorry, sweetie, I have just been thinking a lot about him today."  
  
"Me too," Sadie whispered sadly.  
  
Monica straightened, and stood up suddenly.  
  
"I have another gift for you," Monica said, and headed for her bedroom.  
  
"Mom, I have enough gifts!" Sadie laughed.  
  
Once inside her room, Monica walked over to her hope chest, and opened it slowly. Inside, she saw four carefully wrapped, identical looking gifts. She picked up the gift labeled "HS Graduation" and carried it out into the living room.  
  
"Here," Monica smiled, and handed over the gift.  
  
"Mom, you've given me enough!"  
  
"It's not from me, it's from your father," Monica said softly.  
  
Sadie looked at the gift on her lap with a sudden reverence. She bit her lip, and ran her fingers over the fading gold paper. Then, ever so carefully, she pulled off the paper, to reveal a plain white box. She opened the lid, unfolded the cream coloured tissue paper, and looked at the gift, then up at her mother, confusion lining her bright blue eyes.  
  
"What is it?" Sadie asked.  
  
Monica peered into the box, then laughed slightly.  
  
"It's called a video cassette. It's what us old people used before the DVD took over the world," Monica giggled.  
  
"Oh," Sadie shrugged.  
  
"Luckily, your old Mom still has her VCR here," Monica picked up the videotape, and took it to the television.  
  
"What's on it?" Sadie asked.  
  
"I don't know," Monica said softly, and set up the television. She hit play, and prayed that her old machine still worked.  
  
The screen lit up, as Monica and Sadie sat side-by-side on the sofa, their hands clasped together.  
  
Chandler appeared on the screen, sitting on the same sofa, a sad smile on his face.  
  
"Hi, Pumpkin," Chandler said quietly. He looked thin, but not as sick as he did in those last few months. Monica figured he must have recorded these tapes in the summer before his death.  
  
"So," Chandler sighed, "If you are watching this, it means you have graduated high school! Congratulations, sweetheart. I am very proud of you, and very happy that you have grown into the beautiful young woman you are." Sadie smiled, her eyes tearing up quickly.  
  
"I wish, more than anything, that I could be there with you right now," Chandler sighed.  
  
"Me too," Sadie whispered back.  
  
"But, I know that Monica is there, and hopefully, so is Joey, and Phoebe, and Ross and Rachel. They are all very special people to me, Sadie, and I know that they all love you very much. I love you, and I miss you, and I know that you are going to do wonderful things in your lifetime. This is the first of four tapes I wanted to make for you, and I hope that you don't mind me butting into your major life events like this," Chandler laughed.  
  
"Not at all," Sadie replied a little louder, and Monica squeezed her hand.  
  
"I'll always be right here, if you need me, okay? I love you, and I am proud of you, and...take care of Monica for me, okay?" Chandler smiled sadly, and the screen went blank.  
  
Sadie and Monica sat in silence for several minutes.  
  
"Mom, what was it like? Living with him, knowing he was going to die?"  
  
Monica sighed, and looked at Sadie intently.  
  
"It was hard, especially toward the end. But I knew, even with the short amount of time we had together, that I would never love anyone like I loved- ---love, your father. He changed my life. He gave me the one thing I had wanted my entire life----he gave me a daughter. It was a very good year, his last year on Earth," Monica smiled.  
  
"I wish I could remember more about him," Sadie placed her head on her mother's shoulder.  
  
"Well, I do have a lot of stories," Monica smiled, and hugged Sadie.  
  
"How did you meet him?"  
  
"Well, your Uncle Ross was his roommate in college. And Ross brought your father over for Thanksgiving dinner one year.."  
  
~****~  
  
The End. 


End file.
